1 GLASS IS TOO MUCH AND A THOUSAND IS NEVER ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!

cznewlands
Apr 20, 2015
2 min read

That was me...NOT too many years ago. It always starts out as social...or just the weekends...or only with dinner...only with lunch and dinner...HEY!!! So it's 10am here but somewhere out there it's cocktail time!!! It's only wine...does that really count?? I mean if you're not drinking vodka out of a brown paper bag can you REALLY be an alcoholic??!!

Oh...yeah...it starts out very innocently, crazy with kids a career a husband that doesn't need to hear how stressed out your day was...his was worse...I mean he's a guy...his HAS to be worse.....

When did it happen?? When did it stop being emotional and get to the point that my body could only function when I drank?? When did this red liquid become a ball and chain?? When did the only thing that matter was "Is there enough for tonight because I cannot drive or even walk to get any"??

I didn't want to become my addiction but I was...I was...you know that line..."I used to be a contender"...now I couldn't and didn't want to fight...I couldn't imagine ever living the rest of my life without the sound of glasses clinking on New Year's eve...or dinner out at a beautiful restaurant on a first date..."May I have a Perrier,Please"...like in FOREVER???

I wouldn't be funny anymore...I would have to feel the pain of losing a loved one...a job getting old with nothing to dull the pain??? I mean what's "girls’ night out" without everyone getting stupid and crying telling each other how we'll be best friends till we're dust???

That's addiction...that's what you think...that's the hook...that's the monster...it's you convincing yourself that life can't possibly be good sober.....it isn't good. It’s great...I'll take the tears, the loss, the New Year’s Eve's sober any day over the shame, the guilt the craziness, the ball and chain of alcoholism...oh it's a job alright to stay that way...but I consider it the greatest promotion I have ever had...

I'll always be a work in progress...but I am no longer my ADDICTION...I AM the creation God meant me to be...and it sure feels sweet!!!